Chivalry
“A gentlemen is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.”
You know what I hate? I mean besides liver and onions? It’s when people call me “old fashioned”. Granted, my choice of fashion and music does not include men’s “rompers” or songs that need interpreting from one of my grandchildren. I believe “old fashioned” holds the foundational character values that are learned from generation to generation and have nothing to do with modern culture or trends. Let me give you a few examples of what I’m talking about outside the obvious “please”, “thank you” and “you’re welcome” etiquette. Let’s talk about chivalry.
Now as men, the burden is totally on us to not only practice it, but to excuse the unappreciated stares of those on the receiving end who don’t know what courteous treatment is anymore. There have been numerous times I have held the door open for ladies who either give me a suspicious look or ignore my effort as if I was the doorman to their luxury penthouse.
Does that discourage my chivalrous attempts? Maybe a little, but it says much more about them, then who I’m trying to be. Being married gives me many opportunities to both fail and succeed in my gallantry. Fortunately for me my wife views me just as God does, by remembering that “I am but dust” and won’t hold me to unnecessarily high standards. But from the day we started dating, I have always made it a point to open doors for my wife, any and all types of doors regardless of weight, color, or forest creed. To me, this is one of the hundreds of opportunities I’m given each day to be the old fashioned romantic and classic gentleman in my journey to be the better man.
I remember a story I read that always hit home. It was about a man who learned a hard lesson on chivalry much too late. He wrote about how his wife would often ask him why he doesn’t open the car door for her anymore like he did when they were dating. He would downplay it by saying, “well honey, there’s a lot we don’t do anymore after years of marriage”, or “you always get there before I do”, or “my hands were full”. What he didn’t hear was a small request, from the one he promised to love and cherish for the rest of his life, for a small token of chivalry for her to feel special, not to the world, but to him.
Well, time went on and every now and then she would drop hints on how nice it would be to open her door at least once in awhile. Eventually the hints and playful ribbing stopped. Flash forward years later, his wife became seriously ill and eventually passed away. He goes on to describe the funeral service and the pain of losing the one you love and recalling the heartwarming moments of their life together.
The one moment that was a painful reminder of regrets and missed opportunities, was while they were exiting the church after the memorial service. He walked with the coffin behind the funeral director who was maneuvering the casket to transport her for the burial service, once they reached the back of the hearse, the director asked him if he could please open the door. At that moment, the thousands of missed opportunities for such a simple and selfless act pierced his heart and brought him to his knees.
Unfortunately, these days men hear more about how to replace the “keg” in your belly with a “six-pack” and the best way to enlarge your triceps and flacktoids (if there is such a muscle), than learning how to be a man of simple virtues like honor, integrity and being a gentleman. We as men are on our own personal journey to become a better man until our last breath on earth and what we do on this journey is totally up to us. I just have to remind myself that it isn’t about leaving the impression of a gentleman which is for the benefit of others, but a much larger purpose, which is for my benefit in learning to be a better man.