Honesty
“A half truth is a whole lie.”
Everyone loves an honest man, but there’s another side to that double-edged sword. Honesty without discretion could be damaging and counter-productive. I’ve heard the phrase hundreds of times “I call it like I see it, that’s just who I am” used as an imaginary mantle of true character. Is it? We all know someone who takes pride in their courage to be brutally honest “for the sake of others”, but if their message isn’t undergirded with love and discretion, it becomes offensive and the truth they’re trying to relay, as repulsive and lacking sympathy for the offender’s oversight.
A tried and true guide for character is the Book of Proverbs which was written “for attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding words of insight; for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair.” Solomon, the author, was the King of Israel from 970-931 BC and the most wisest man to ever live. He tells us honesty isn’t only about being truthful with the facts, but it also means keeping your word with others. I remember when a man’s handshake or spoken commitment was worth more than the contracts we see written today that have to include ‘fine print’ to compensate for a person’s lapse of judgement or bent towards greed.
When dealing with an honest person, you don’t have to worry about loopholes or the keen eye of a lawyer to uncover any hidden intent, all you need to know is their word is gold. That’s who I want to be. When I give my word, it puts me in a position to move from an external agreement to an internal covenant that sets me up for future opportunities where honesty is crucial and rewarding. Today’s society mistakenly defines honesty as a subjective strategic prowess that promotes winning at all costs. Sure, you may win that one situation but you’ve sacrificed integrity and honor and have broken yourself against the rules of manhood; to be the better man and influence the strength of character in others.
Fortunately there are many equalizers that put men on the same playing field, regardless if you’re over or under six feet tall, the muscle bound guy on the beach or the one who gets sand kicked in his face. Honesty is one of those equalizers and becomes more effective as you learn to communicate the brutal truth with loving discretion. “Honey, does this dress make me look fat?” isn’t a booby trap to test your honesty, it’s an opportunity to practice discretion in a loving way if the answer really isn’t what they were hoping for. “Oh no babe, you make that outfit look great!” Am I being totally honest if I hold back some truth at that moment? Maybe, but it’s for a bigger purpose of making someone feel better about themselves, learning how to use loving consideration and not ruining a perfectly fine evening.
An intentional lack of honesty points out a deeper flaw which is the ability to commit to the truth. If there is a lack of commitment in one part of your life, chances are the lack of commitment will also show up in other areas that define your character. Honesty is not just the absence of lying, but being trustworthy, loyal and sincere in what you say and do and impacts your personal and business relationships. Want to trust and be trusted? Want to reduce stress in your life? Tell the truth, not only by the reason, but also by the heart.
How do you hone the discipline of honesty? Start with yourself. When accused of being insensitive to others is your first response rationalizing your actions or admitting it could be in the realm of possibilities you were inconsiderate. When asked to tell what really happened, you are given the chance to build upon a foundation of honesty. Here’s an opportunity to not only build integrity, but to also fortify the character you want to be remembered by and model the highly sought after virtue you’d like to see in those who matter most to you. Honesty isn’t a once in awhile attribute, its a day by day purging of the falsehood that lies within us all.