Remembrance
“God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December.”
We’re inclined to view “memories” as only past experiences that teach lessons, warm hearts, or as reminders of painful moments. If we only regard memories in that light and neglect to make new ones, we forfeit the valuable ability memories bring to also heal and feel empathy towards those we perceive have damaged our ability to function as normal and productive men.
God, in His omniscience knew we needed an antidote for an “unforgiving” heart for emotional disabilities we are forced to live with because of someone’s actions against us, so He enabled each of us the ability to change our perception of someone with new experiences, new information, new opportunities or simply said; new memories.
New memories allow you to take important relationships to a fresh start, or at least ease any pain you have carried that are your weak spot, your raw nerve, or your excuse for not living up to the potential others see in you. Sure, there will be those who will offer the same end results for your efforts that leave you feeling “well shame on me again” but imagine the important relationships you would never see healed if your fear of being “hurt” again prevented you from being the answer to a prayer another is asking, for the same healing you are seeking.
I write this to share a priceless experience, an epiphany I recently had where a valuable lesson was revealed that freed me from a barbed anchor that weighed heavy in my heart for the majority of my adulthood. This awakening allowed me to resuscitate an invaluable love that laid dormant in my soul for many years when I visited my ninety-one year old father who has lived out of state for most of my life and is now in a convalescent home due to the need for constant medical care. I was about six years old when my parents separated and since then, never had my father again. For most of my life I’ve carried much anger and resentment that manifested into anti-social behavior as a young man and don’t know what did more damage, him leaving or leaving me with the memories of a man I never wanted to be.
As I arrived at his room and walked to his bedside, the man I remembered as muscular and intimidating, was now weak and harmless. The man who walked in self confidence and answered to no one, now required twenty-four hour care to eat, bathe, and use the toilet. The man whose hand delivered so much “discipline” was now clinging to a bed rail for stability. The man whose angry voice struck fear in my heart was now soft and passionate as he opened his eyes with a growing smile the moment he saw me as he said “my son” with such a melodious and heartfelt tone and at that moment granted me the precious gift of new memories of my father.
It’s important I stop here to acknowledge there were also good memories, unfortunately it’s the bad ones that seem to cast the larger shadow and tend to linger much longer but amazingly my father is no longer the man he used to be, something supernatural occurred in his heart years ago that changed his life forever and was instrumental in the healing of our family. He gave his heart and life to Christ. I didn’t say he found religion, that would lessen and over simplify the transformation, he boldly lived his life as a man who knew where his hope and strength came from and after all these years, I am proud to call him my father.
Maybe the emotional disconnect was from feeling he had nothing of value to offer and found conversation difficult, or feeling he lost the connections of a healthy father and son relationship. I will never know the reasons, but I do know this experience has shown me the greatest gift I can leave for those I love are the memories I purposely continue to create that will leave a fragrance of my love for them, but mainly my attempt to right the wrongs that injured them along the way by planting new gardens to bring life to the destitute soil of the past.