Kind
“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
Being described as a “nice guy” is a term used by others who can only provide a general description of a man’s character. I have come to realize that being known as a “nice guy” isn’t the perception I really want others to use to describe me as a man. Why? I think being “nice” conforms to perceived societal expectations to not rock the boat. In a society where the line of masculinity has been blurred with “toxic masculinity”, we have diluted our expectations of what a real man behaves like in these current times that need the leadership of what only a man can provide.
Why is “nice” the first descriptive phrase used? Because it is always easier to be nice than kind. Nice is when you meet someone for the first time and you behave as such the gentleman. Kind is when you are on the freeway and you see someone in need and you have to get off at the next exit, wait in traffic and find the next on-ramp to stop and see how you can help. Kindness requires much more, because it requires that which is most valuable to us, our time and convenience.
Is it possible to be “nice” and “kind”? Yes, but the difference is niceness is passive while kindness is an action. I’ll explain; a “nice” man can lack self-worth and won’t express himself authentically for fear of conflict. The people pleasing tendencies of “nice” can be rooted in selfishness—acting inauthentically as a tool of self-preservation through approval and recognition by other men. Nice perpetuates the status quo. When we as men are only “nice”, we may not feel safe within ourselves.
Whereas kindness is rooted in the abundance of love for others at whatever risk necessary, niceness is rooted in a lack of confidence and fear of the world around us. Niceness projects itself through the lingering pain of unhealed wounds and accompanying low sense of self-worth. Kindness doesn’t care what other men think. A kind person believes in his own manhood and expresses it authentically. The loving nature of kindness is rooted in selflessness—no approval or recognition required. Kindness not only provides, it also corrects. When we’re nice, we feel safe within ourselves. When we’re kind, we become vulnerable to misinterpretations of our actions, but it doesn’t minimize the results.
Contrary to current philosophy, kindness isn’t making a “deposit” in some one else’s account. It’s more making a donation to a much higher purpose that could pay dividends far beyond what we may expect. Being nice connects to how you want to be seen, kindness connects to who you really are. Kindness in our words create confidence. Kindness in our thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in our giving promotes sacrificial love.
There is much reward in being kind. As the sun melts the ice, kindness can cause misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate in acts of giving of your time. Be kind over being nice and you will be right every time because being nice is a natural ability, but being kind is a supernatural ability. As we light the way for others through acts of kindness, we naturally create light for our own pathway when we choose this action. We make everyone around us a little better and the world that much more promising because no act of kindness, however small is ever wasted and the smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest of intentions.
Kindness has no limitations:
Nice tells you what it thinks you want to hear. Kind tells you what you need to hear
Nice talks. Kind acts
Nice is weak. Kind is strong
Nice takes. Kind gives
Nice is submissive. Kind is assertive
Nice is narcissistic. Kind is empathic
Nice avoids confrontation and retreats into silence. Kind confronts and protects the innocent
Nice is cowardly. Kind is courageous
Nice lacks confidence. Kind is confident
Nice distances. Kind connects.
Nice backs down. Kind stands their ground
Nice seeks approval. Kind is indifferent to approval.
There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make a new forest. Kindness, as simple as it appears, is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this, is the beginning of wisdom.